Comments on Narcissism Daily Mirror: The Secret to Love and Success

Thanks so much. It was so self defeating to stay ...

2012-02-27T09:53:05.518-08:00

Thanks so much. It was so self defeating to stay angry all the time, because of what he was or was not doing. Taking care of my emotional needs was what I thought he was suppose to do. But I can see the empowerment in learning to self soothe yourself. You take some of your power back from the narcissist and you are able to be productive again in your own life. I can easily go back to that angry, off the beam, disquieting, disturbing place. But today I can come out of it in less time. I get the picture, but it is still a work in progress. Before meeting you and Steve (whom I respect a great deal for be willing to be honest and open with you) there was no where I could find to get help and I tried everyplace I found or heard about. Keep doing what you're doing, you're helping a lot of people including myself.

Thanks for this article, this has come at a perfec...

2012-02-25T11:23:44.217-08:00

Thanks for this article, this has come at a perfect moment, I have just been emotionally upset, and tried talking about it with my narcissistic husband, big no no because it involves him.

It's just so hard to get the feeling to go away. I made the mistake of being tender and vulnerable to him, and it just seems like he sabotaged our connection that has been slowly growing back, and now we're back at square one. I know I have to let it go. But I am so resentful now at his selfishness. Maybe I'll go reread Back from the Looking Glass.

hi kim, i have been reading your articles faithful...

2012-02-25T07:36:51.074-08:00

hi kim, i have been reading your articles faithfully. i admit that i have been loosing my temper with my partner (at this time i don't think he wants to be together), but the reason is that i do not get the respect i deserve from him. he lives in MY home. Yes, he pays the bills, but the emtional support isn't there anymore. i, myself, think it's his daughter that has had great influence on him. my partner and i have been together for almost 2 yrs. but, you have hit home when you say that you have to self soothe and go on. it's something that is new to me and it will take some time to get into the swing of things. the daughter is so controlling. she is only 19. no, she (thank goodness) doesn't live with us. but she started acting like a jilted lover when her dad announced that he wanted to marry me. O boy, did that start a chain reaction. she has told lies to the extended family to where i am not allowed on the property, but grampa has a whole another issue. she has plotted to break us up, threatened him that she would not have much to do with him unless he left me, she has dis-respected me in my own home (which he permitted), and she has told me that she hates me. she has put a wedge in between us. but i say if she wants to act that way that is her problem, not mine. i feel for him, cuz he is caught in the middle, but he needs to see for himself that she is just using him for money and manipulating him for love that isn't healthy. i don't speak of her around him. i don't care is she ever shows her face at my door again, but i would bend only if she respects me. none of his kids live here with us. 1 daughter lives out on her own and is doing very well. she and i had a wonderful relationship, but her sister and dad have destroyed that. the boy? well, he is completely lost. he is 17 and is facing criminal charges in a week. which he expects his dad to buy his way out. but i know, that probation will be in effect, and this boy will not follow the rules and will be in trouble within a few months. i have made myself available to the boy, but dad seems to step in. he says he wants everyone to get along, but i have never shut my door on any of his kids, nor have i said that i hate any one of them. i have never called them vulgar names (like the 1 daughter has called me right in front of her dad and i). i will keep the ritual up of self-soothing and pray that i can find strenghth in all of this. thank you again. keep the articles coming! i need all the help i can get.

Strange I am learning my boundaries and kept my di...

2012-02-02T00:42:52.964-08:00

Strange I am learning my boundaries and kept my distance at bay. Bear in mind he hates all things medical especially the mental health system so to hear this was very pleasing. This is going to be a long journey for the both of us. I am going to keep pressing on with things i have to do and to regain my health and strength. 303

Agreed, I did hear from him and it was very unexpe...

2012-02-02T00:42:45.783-08:00

Agreed, I did hear from him and it was very unexpected. He went to the hospital today to start his psych session today for the interferon treatment and he had positive reviews about his new doctor. I didn't ask any questions I just let him talk. If he wants to talk about it to me then by all means but he doesn't have to open up as this is between him and the doc.

You will need to face the fact that if he has othe...

2012-01-31T16:11:37.310-08:00

You will need to face the fact that if he has other women to run to, you becoming stronger may drive him away. You must understand however that it is still the right thing to do for yourself and for him.

If you contact him I would suggest that it is only to make sure he is okay and let him know that you are too. You will need to be very calm and grounded in that conversation and be prepared that he may still be rejecting you. I would have something planned to do after that call (that you really enjoy) and no matter how it goes still make sure you stick to your plan.

In the end this work is really about you getting better - because if you are not grounded and strong how could you ever help him?

I shouldn't feel anxious yet... or should I ? ...

2012-01-31T12:34:51.069-08:00

I shouldn't feel anxious yet... or should I ? Maybe the source has run dry for him? This is all new to me and it is hard doing this baby steps too.
303

Afterwards he stormed out and said he never wants ...

2012-01-31T00:11:40.369-08:00

Afterwards he stormed out and said he never wants to see me again. I just said ok then. Are you sure you dont want a lift home? he looks at me with horror and mystified. I gather he was having a bad day and really I put the barriers up and didnt let his words affect me. I am not too sure but I think he is losing control over me and my thoughts. I understand he will be going through a tough time with his interferon treatment soon and that may really scare him. However there is so much I can take and by me being strong for myself and healing myself that comes first. Normally I tell him things and what is on my mind, today I signed papers for my new place and normally he is the one I tell. But I think distance and me creating my sanctuary comes first as I am preparing to go to hospital soon.
I have a long way to go but it is coming sooner than i think and the strength that I will have will blow me away.
I still have not heard from V since Saturday... not too sure whether to ring him or let him come to me when he is calm...

I have to admit I am really enjoying your articles...

2012-01-31T00:11:22.582-08:00

I have to admit I am really enjoying your articles, I wrote to you on the other blog regarding V and I am 303, I wont reveal my name. I have just began to take control of my life and my surroundings. I have just began to start loving myself and putting myself first which is a good thing and it has been a long time coming. The other day V had the biggest meltdown I have ever seen in public, I couldn't understand why and the verbal abuse was horrifying. He wanted to disconnect from me and delete me off social pages. I just took a deep breathe and said listen I cannot stop you and if you feel you want to do that then it is ok with me in a very calm manner. I didn't shout or bring my emotions in the field I spoke to him in a calm way.

Hi anon, Self soothing is just part of what we r...

2012-01-05T19:01:49.689-08:00

Hi anon,

Self soothing is just part of what we recommend. If you want to throw him out and you are up to doing that by all means go ahead - I am sure no one here would blame you! Our advice is for people who do not want to leave and also for those who cannot because perhaps they fear for their children visiting their (ex) partner without them around.

Self soothing is important because it is about finding your happiness within yourself and not you partner (so they no longer control you) and is also important so that you can begin to learn to set better boundaries that will be more effective once you are calm. One example is separating your finances but in our books we offer many more.

Hang in there and keep reading!

Kim Cooper
http://www.NarcissismCured.com

I'm new to all this, I'm not sure I'm ...

2012-01-05T10:24:07.217-08:00

I'm new to all this, I'm not sure I'm getting it yet. What? I'm not supposed to feel like smacking my husband in the face and throwing him out because he went and picked up another girl in a bar (again) and had sex with her? So far as I know, adultery is the number one cause of divorce worldwide. Add to that the 24 hour narcissistic daily insults, lies etc.. It just doesn't stop.. How often am I supposed to "self-soothe"? In my case, I would have to be doing it 24 hours a day... Help!!

Thank you Kim for this wonderful segment on Self S...

2011-11-02T07:23:04.704-07:00

Thank you Kim for this wonderful segment on Self Soothing. I use to just quietly walk away and stew...sometimes for hours. Little did I know that the quiet stewing caused health problems later.

Over time, I did learn to go to my mental happy place, use lavendar scented cream to massage my feet, drink some warm calming tea, hug a hot water bottle, or even watch a 1950s comedy.

It was just recently that I was introduced to breathing & light meditation exercises. Most importantly, being kind to myslef. I wish I learned this earlier!

I visited the website suggested and I LOVE the samples that I listened to! I look forward to adding these recordings to my stress "medicine bag"!

I've just begun Back from the Looking Glass and I'm very grateful for all these wonderful resources.
Thank you again!

I have really enjoyed reading your articles. It h...

2011-10-29T21:22:25.283-07:00

I have really enjoyed reading your articles. It has helped me TREMENDOUSLY at work - where I have eventually worked out that I am working with someone who is a narcisist. At first I was going to leave - but now I am getting on heaps better.
My son has Bipolar disorder, which I know is different, but it has helped me a lot to deal with problems with him too.
It has helped me a lot to change myself and how I react to people. I have always been very sensitive - and STILL AM - but don't allow people to push me around half as much.
Really good info. Thank you.

Well said, as usual, Kim. All the comments are gr...

2011-09-23T23:24:43.956-07:00

Well said, as usual, Kim. All the comments are great, as well. I have been working on this for over a year now. It is still a work in progress. The important thing is that I do see progress, and I am no longer distracted by the consequences of my leaving. I have no plans to leave the relationship and am continuing to work on it. It can be frustrating, but I have seen so many results that I continue to be hopeful. Hope is an amazing feeling and I am a much happier and calmer person.

Hi everyone and Thanks Sue - I think EFT is great ...

2011-09-22T19:51:51.134-07:00

Hi everyone and Thanks Sue - I think EFT is great if it is an old habitual response that isn't working for me now, but sometimes I don't want to simply 'pull' the emotion and eliminate that response but instead get it's message and then calm down. I also find EFT is not so easy to do in public without drawing attention!

And to Lisa, yes it is managing yourself but it is also much more than that. You see our emotional and rational brains hardly have any connections between them. When we are emotional in a way it is like we become another person and these 2 people inside us often don't know each other very well. People for example are very bad at predicting how things will make them feel. The practice I am suggesting here will actually help you start to be aware of these different states and help you identify them more easily and also help these sides of yourself get to know each other better. It is very powerful but is certainly something that takes practice.

Very useful advice, I'm sure it will take prac...

2011-09-22T15:57:05.639-07:00

Very useful advice, I'm sure it will take practice to implement! I just don't think of doing this after an argument because I am so hurt and I just want to lash out. I've weighed up the pros and cons of terminating the relationship so many times, but I stay because of the good things in our life. And love, of course.
Essentially what you're saying is: manage yourself, because that is the only person you can manage.
I find music is the best means for me to self soothe. It calms me, helps me find that inner peace again.
Thanks!

Thank You for everything Kim and Steve. I have use...

2011-09-22T11:46:55.384-07:00

Thank You for everything Kim and Steve. I have used your products and have taken all of your advice, although still in practice. My life has already changed drasticly for the better especially with my N husband. Self soothing is a skill I wish more people would learn about and use. Our world would be so much better place. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart! sc

Very useful and helpful advise. Self soothing can ...

2011-09-22T04:05:08.018-07:00

Very useful and helpful advise. Self soothing can come in many forms and as you show, not all of them healthy or productive.
I use Emotional Freedom Technique (tapping) as one way of dispersing or distress.
Your point about our own anger being used against us had been my experience. My NPD husband had repeatedly instructed me not to be angry until it erupted out of me. It briefly put him on the back foot and for a short while, it did appear that he understood I had a right to be angry. Then, he began to be provocative then say "Look, here I am, all calm, and it's you who'se shouting, so it must be you who
starts it". I found being assertative rather than aggressive restored the balance in my favour.
He did say two days ago he'd been fearful I was going to leave him. It put a lot of his behaviour into perspective. He'd been playing victim and cast me in the role of persecutor so if I did go, he wouldn't have to face the shame of his behaviour contributing to the 'failure' of the marriage. It explained to me, why, instead of setting to and getting help for himself, he was self soothing in his way, protecting his NPD image of himself. Thank you for the article and video. Sue