Comments on Narcissism Daily Mirror: There Are Some Things we Must Face Alone

Thankyou for sharing that it was very well said! I...

2012-01-20T15:56:00.667-08:00

Thankyou for sharing that it was very well said! I am always so happy when I hear people get it!

Kim Cooper
www.NarcissismCured.com

love the poem, and was me .have a partner that sho...

2012-01-20T03:01:36.780-08:00

love the poem, and was me .have a partner that shows signs of NPD well a lot of signs, but now i have taken control the arguing, nasty fights have stopped, the nice side of him that i fell in love with remains we now debate rather than argue, finally he needs me as a strong independent women that i am :) i get respect and what i like to call genuine side. and he freely shares his feelings with me now. i came to realise i was the one creating a lot of what triggered him off, yes came across as needy even though i'm not. now its him that wants the closeness. and its not about winning its about being! thank you kim and steve my inner strength came through, if he tries to be nasty i just say i will talk to you later when we can discuss rather than argue, if he phones complaining i turn the mobile off for a while give myself time out then will txt later not refering to the previous conversation, and it works, i no longer have to get my point across.and i don't need him to make me feel better, the last time he tried to hurt me, i just said i am not doing this i am having trouble self soothing and that tells me i need time out, he actually left me alone, and that evening was fine, i self soothed :) and i think he had too. bottom line.... its me that makes me happy... my partner now gets the best of me and i do him.... i didn't fall in love with a monster and NPD sufferers if totally honest don't like themselves anyway. they to have to learn to love themselves from within. mirrors lie

I am "ANON" from Dec15. I downloaded the...

2012-01-17T05:10:24.741-08:00

I am "ANON" from Dec15. I downloaded the "Little Book of Empathy, Love and Friendship" and I'm glad I did. It enlightened me to what empathy is, and made me realise another facet of my life I have been screwing upon.I will read it a hndred more times I'm sure, just to make sure it all sinks in. It is a slow road to re-gaining my "self". I also hope my wife realises the road she is going down is not a good one. Maybe it is? I suppose it is not for me to judge what is good for her, only what is good for me and how I feel I should live my life. It's just not easy detaching from her, when all I want to do is be with her, enjoying the things we used to! We are still so alike, but so different now. Good luck to you, freegrace, find strength in all that you believe in. :)

Happy New Year . Time to time I visit your site be...

2012-01-05T11:17:55.705-08:00

Happy New Year . Time to time I visit your site because I live live with a NPD person , and it has caused a lot of pain in my life. I`m thankful for you and what you do. It`s also good to read other people `s comments . Every little bit helps. I just went through last year the process of letitng go of my dreams of my marriage. My husband will never be my father and I needed to find myself . I`ve ben living like this for 31 years. It can get better but it`s painful . Mu part is to find my own streinght and not let to be swayed by his behavior. It is not my husband who gives me my value , that comes from God who loves me , just because I`m his child, unconditionally. Thanks . God bless you.

Hi anon, I would highly recommend our short eboo...

2011-12-15T13:10:33.541-08:00

Hi anon,

I would highly recommend our short ebook
10 steps to overcome codependence and
also The Little Book of Empathy Love and
Friendship.

Of course you must be feeling sad about losing
your wife to her new friend down the road
but the important thing now is that you do not let
that pain totally unbalance your life.

She is probably not as strong as you believe
and will need you to stay strong and focused now!

Kim Cooper
www.NarcissismCured.com

To those that feel there is no cure or help for a ...

2011-12-15T05:07:12.869-08:00

To those that feel there is no cure or help for a narcissist, I would remind that Kim and Steve are survivors! I am in the early stages oftrying to figure out my relationship, which for me, has just recently taken a turn downhill. For my wife, the relationship was never there, hard as she tried with me, because I hadn't let myself heal from a previous (controlling) relationship. I have let all that go now, thanks in part, to Steve and Kim's words, and the book Codependence No More. I have just begun my journey and I hope my wife sees that; she has been by my side for 5 years now, albeit many times in abusive fashion as she can't understand why I don't "love her the way she loves me". I love her very much. I just didn't feel like I deserved her and all the good she brought to my life and my son's, as well as the feelings of guilt residing in me from my past marriage. I have let all that go and I do believe I deserve a wonderful partner in life. I hope it's not too late. I just hope she realizes that the new girlfriend down the street she started hanging out with is, firstly, an alcohol and marijuana enabler, and secondly, a (maybe) a friend. I am done trying to fix her new ways and am working on fixing my (old and harmful codependent low self-esteem) ways. Any words of encouragement/direction/what other books, are greatly appreciated! Sorry so long and Bless you guys. :)

You hang in there anon! He is trying to run away f...

2011-10-04T17:32:37.609-07:00

You hang in there anon! He is trying to run away from himself but of course that won't work. You stay focused on your own life and goals and if it is your wish just keep letting him know that you will stand by him but not his false pride and anger.

Kim Cooper
http://www.narcissismcured.com

My NPD husband leaves today for a new job-overseas...

2011-10-04T08:31:04.637-07:00

My NPD husband leaves today for a new job-overseas. He took the position without deep conversation with me, or his adolescent children. It pays much more than he's been making, and he sees dollar signs and has a change-the-world mentality. Our 8-month marriage [2nd for both] has been utter chaos, and he's blamed me for all of it. He bruised my arm in a drunken rage in July, ruined an August vacation with his selfish anger, and has withdrawn since I stood up to him and started creating the support systems Kim teaches us to make. I have really tried to internalize and learn so much of Kim's teaching, and put it into play-he says it is all fake. In his final one-sided rant session two days ago, he called me names and shoved me-again I stood up to him and took myself out of the situation. Yesterday his final request of me was for $5,000. I politely refused. My heart is broken and my head is spinning, but thank you Kim and Steve for helping me realize I am not crazy.

Hi Anon, I have a friend who can help you (via S...

2011-07-23T17:13:28.234-07:00

Hi Anon,

I have a friend who can help you (via Skype) tackle the inner voices you speak of. Please contact our help desk at our site at www.narcissismcured.com and write that Kim asked you to write in and ask about a contact address for her friend Dallas and then they will pass that on to me.

Kim Cooper
http://www.narcissismcured.com

Thank you for the beautiful poem. I relate complet...

2011-07-22T07:28:36.885-07:00

Thank you for the beautiful poem. I relate completely. I have been going through counseling for almost a year now working on all the issues of codependency and living with a narcissist. I am an extremely sensitive person who successfully beats myself up about every little thing. I try desperately to turn off the voices that tear me down and desperately long for another person to walk through these times with. I strive to see myself as God sees me, but I just seem stuck and cannot imagine how to have these ways be "gone for good". I don't feel I can turn them off even though I earnestly desire to. I feel I have such deep insecurities even though I know my value in God but for some reason I cannot fully embrace a sense of wholeness or confidence to move forward. Any suggestions that helped you?

What a wonderful poem Kim.

2010-12-18T10:52:30.681-08:00

What a wonderful poem Kim.

Hi Anon, If you husband has choosen to leave you...

2010-12-16T14:30:20.154-08:00

Hi Anon,

If you husband has choosen to leave you there is not much you can do to prove to him he is wrong.

The dreams you once shared are an illusion that you must let go of now.

Even if he returns the future will not be like it was in those dreams because you have seen the truth now and that is he is not as mature or responsible as you once believed he was.

You need to set some goals for yourself now that do not require his help but first and foremost you need to take care of yourself and your baby and make sure that you face the hard steps that are required of you now in becoming emotionally mature yourself.

Our ebook 10 steps to Overcome codependence would be a great start.

You CAN change the way your relationship goes in the future with or without his help. You cannot force him to return but you can change your reactions and your focus (onto your own life and not him).

Your strength of character (and not his) is what I believe is most likely to change things for the better with your family. You cannot expect he is going to see that error of his ways and lead the change. He has shown you by his actions he is not strong but weak.

Hang in there,

Kim Cooper
http://www.narcissismcured.com

Kim - Thank you so much for sharing all these wond...

2010-12-16T10:47:08.945-08:00

Kim - Thank you so much for sharing all these wonderful articles and insights. I am in the middle of this journey myself. My biggest concern right now is that my narissistic spouse has chosen to leave our family. He chose not to move to our new home with our 5 year-old son and myself, and is living in our old home with his girlfriend, a 21 year-old bartender (he is nearly 30) we hired in August to work at the bar we own. He knew her for only two months when he told me he wanted a divorce. I saw a lawyer at my parents' and his parents' urging in order to financially protect my son and myself(he does not know), but have not filed the papers. He has done nothing to initiate a divorce, but is living as if we are already divorced. I do not want a divorce from him, but don't know what I can do to help him realize the enormous mistakes he is making. I said for better or worse, and I meant it. I know my husband is sick and needs help. I also know that he's the only one who can decide to get the help and start making healthy decisions and making right actions. I just need to know now what I can do to try to help him understand reality and his need for help, and that we have all the answers to what we need to do to have the life we used to dream of and talk about.

Thanks so much for your beautiful poem and all tha...

2010-12-13T09:22:20.754-08:00

Thanks so much for your beautiful poem and all that you do! I, too, am married to a man with narcissistic tendencies. I see myself in this poem, but thanks be to the Creator, I recognized my the problem early on and took action right away (your products have been a tremendous help). My husband frequently threatens to leave me and my children. He has never actually left, though. The more I take care of myself, the stronger I become and the less power his threats have over me. Your poem might have provided me with an important insight--- his threat of leaving has nothing to do with me, but rather his feeling of inadequacy as father/husband.

I just finish reading eveything above this. Yes th...

2010-12-12T10:31:33.403-08:00

I just finish reading eveything above this. Yes this is my story to, as a man that learn this subject from a female friend, both her husband and now my ex-wife are both narcissistic. It is a battle to understand our partners, and the only and main comfort is in Christ Jesus. My friend is been married over 30+ yrs. My marriage lasted less than 9months. I am divorce from my ex-wife 8 months and feel sad for her, but I am happy I am moving on with my life. I like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, from Canada. And Kim, I like this open letter to encourage, each one of us, this way we do not feel alone.

Hi Kim and Steve, I also wrote a song, "Cry t...

2010-12-09T08:54:07.559-08:00

Hi Kim and Steve, I also wrote a song, "Cry this Christmas Blue" and it's exactly what you are writing about, but thank U Jesus, these are not my emotions this year, but I needed to write the song because people need to go there, they need to feel the right to feel sad about what is gone, and not available. Sometimes, I think that it is people who live behind their narcissistic sheild are the ones who have to cry about something that they never felt safe enough to mourn for, sometimes that is their own dreams and desires, sometimes it is their own gentle souls that they walked away from so that they could survive a situation. Christmas is about love, and love is like a glowing connection that just wraps around everything it touches. If you are going to believe in something, believe in the healing power of love, next to, close by, and even far away. I know that Kim and Steve are on the other side of the world, yet their story has healed my marraige, by helping me understand. My husband is happy now, and I am finding my own seperate peace. Merry Christmas Kim and Steve, and Kim keep writing, even think about a fictional novel, and Steve, just keep cooking ! -- I live in the Jersey Shore of USA, and we say over here ( Oh Vah he ah ) We Got a Holiday Situation !

It would have been lovely to have been able to rea...

2010-12-08T22:24:26.776-08:00

It would have been lovely to have been able to read this when I went through the break up of my 11 year marriage and it seems at the time and over many years if the grief is blocked and you focus too much on what you feel you did wrong that the sun wont shine again. But my experience was that in time a new relationship came and through it I was pushed to feel all the wounds and longing that was left from having emotionally unavailable parents. And in this relationship I learned that my feelings and my life are my responsiblity and no one elses. What you said somewhere, Kim about hoping for someone who would share or acknowledge your feelings was true for me. My first relationship founded when six years into sobriety I began to feel my pain from the losses of my childhood and young adulthood, especially the loss of my Dad. My husband too lost my father but he couldn't meet me in my pain. I thought that was necessary but I now see it isn't. I have to be there for myself and love myself and believe in myself, only then can I give. These days so many people focus on what they can get. A friend is so sad as he has met woman after woman who has a list of what she wants and he fails in several categories. And so he asked "what is it that you have to give?" This is the sad endictment of our narcissitic culture fed on operas and songs like you say in another blog that feed addictive longings. There is a great book by a guy called James Hollis called "The Eden Project: The Search for the Magical Other". Guess what that is a childhood dream and one that recycles in midlife when men leave their wives to find the love that is missing that they never found inside. The lesson to get love we must learn to give love. We must learn what love is and no longer tolerate abuse whilst having compassion and depth of insight to see how others abuse and develop good boundaries. I thank you Kim and Steve for your work. Through it I have learned a lot more about what it is to develop a mature partnership. I think you are both inspirational. Keep up the amazing work. This world badly needs it.

That was a very good poem and it's relatable f...

2010-12-08T16:59:16.778-08:00

That was a very good poem and it's relatable for sure. One thing I've learned from all my relationships is that there will always be something missing from your relationships if one looks for someone else to make them happy. You must have God first as your centering core or you will have nothing left to ground you when the bottom falls out. You must love yourself before you can love anyone else.

Isnt life grand !

2010-12-08T16:46:21.209-08:00

Isnt life grand !

beautiful poem...yes, the thought of his saying he...

2010-12-08T10:20:03.217-08:00

beautiful poem...yes, the thought of his saying hes sorry...or i love you and the kids and i want to work things out...or a compliment instead of a put down...oh the longing. but it is christmas..i have no money for presents but i was able to pay the morgage and car and a friend helped buy us some food. i praise the Lord that i am not dependent and mentally ill from him any more...that i am learning on my own and standing alone...on my two feet...to become a beautiful woman once again. to be treated with respect and dignity and not to be judged. alone...yes. abused...no more. poor..yes. but i hold my head up high and hug my kids and look out over the snow and the beautiful lights .. there is love... there is hope... and its christmas. God Bless

your poem and so many of the posts made me cry,cur...

2010-12-08T04:31:22.058-08:00

your poem and so many of the posts made me cry,currently in a relationship with a narssist,only thing is hes probably made me one-a bitter aggressive person and i dont know how to change myself.I NEED HELP BEFORE I EXPLODE.IM SO WORN OUT EMOTIONALLY WITH THE PAIN AND THE PRESSURE

This is exactly what I am going through right now....

2010-12-07T22:15:55.045-08:00

This is exactly what I am going through right now. I am 41 years old and have one teenage son still at home. The other two are grown and making their own lives. My husband left 2 months ago. No real explanation, blaming me for all of his troubles. We have been going to marraige counseling for the last 9 weeks and nothing has improved. Usually he uses them as a "Bitch Session", to make sure I know how much I have ruined his life. We have been married for 12 yrs. I have known him for 23 and never even saw this coming. I thought we were on the same page, working for the same things. Now I have no job, no money, a pile of debt and I am working so hard to improve myself and get on with my life. My son is torn and feels abandonded. I am looking for counseling for him. he is so depressed and I know we both need help for ourselves. Somethings you do have to face alone. hard as it may seem.

I watch Super Nanny and The Nanny of TV. The first...

2010-12-07T20:33:19.779-08:00

I watch Super Nanny and The Nanny of TV. The first shows how to get live under control again, the second shows a narcissistic relationship of a woman wanting a relationship with someone who is closed down emotionally but is also narcissitic.
I would think..."Let God and Let God". I can't handle it on my own power. I do agree...it is like passing a test...the guy gives you or God gives you....to love yourself enough. Know you are enough...a child of God and not to be controlled by the dysfunction in another person...to give them so much power...that controls your life/happiness.
Great poem...make a book of poems. You have great insights. I am still learning...let people who withhold love affect me. I am like waiting for life to happen... I pick narcissitic guys maybe because I am used to that kind of person...I hate to be controlled...don't want to be their identical twin...I wanted to be loved for who I am...not just my body. Your site is helping me and so many people...You are God sent!! Keep it up! A real paper book..not e book would be so much easier for me. It would spread your ideas/help more...and help you financially. I would buy books for my whole family tree. I tried to learn to talk to a narcissitic person on the internet...but they attacked me nonstop. I still have alot to learn.

Thank you for this beautiful and insightful place ...

2010-12-07T19:32:50.770-08:00

Thank you for this beautiful and insightful place you have written from- it's as if you are peering through my window and seeing every moment I've experienced over the last 12 months-I have prayed non-stop for healing and his return- He says he'd never come back to me- I'm still not sure how to let go of the hope of his return- I want to be strong for my children, to be a woman of strength and dignity- I crumble after hearing his voice on the phone-where do I take this pain that I feel after encountering him?

What a crock, when a person is "damaged goods...

2010-12-07T17:37:58.168-08:00

What a crock, when a person is "damaged goods" there isn't enough therapy, time, or help from heaven. I know, I live it every day. I look forward to the day my body gives out and ends this misery.