Narcissistic Personality Disorder Looks Like This ...

Are you treated different in private than in public? 

In public a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder may either ignore you, giving their attention to others (as if you don’t exist), or else be charming and polite, pretending to be the perfect wife or husband.

In private, however, they will be condescending, acting like they are superior and more popular than you, be being cold, arrogant, withdrawn and unavailable or sarcastic, haughty and insulting, while showing little or no regard for your feelings or well-being (unless they want something) and putting people down (including their friends) behind their back.

This lack of concern for your well-being may cause you to feel rejected, hurt, humiliated, powerless, ashamed and angry and may also lead to psychological and psychosomatic health problems and addictions in your family.

Despite the heartache and damage a person with these symptoms may cause, if confronted about their behaviour they will remain indignant and above being questioned about their behaviour. 

Likewise, they may believe they deserve things they haven’t worked for or earned and trade off other people’s honesty and hard work.

This person may be charming (and even humble) in public, so people won’t believe how verbally abusive they are in private or the cruel things they say behind people’s backs.

They will lie and paint themselves as an innocent victim to gain sympathy and justify their bad behavior (while fooling themselves their lies are the truth). You may have no idea of the lies they are telling you or the lies they may be telling other people about you behind your back.

They may also be suspicious and even aggressive towards people who appear emotionally needy. 

Both Men and Women Suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder ... 

I write from our experience, but there are narcissistic women as well; the statistics state that there are more men than women with this disorder, but our audience is about 50/50.

Female narcissists cause their male partners just as much pain and humiliation and just as much chaos and destruction in their own lives and the lives of the people close to them.

“A couple may swap roles in different situations,
alcohol for instance will trigger narcissistic behavior in many people.”

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  1. Hello Kim,

    I came across your website after trying to cope with my own feelings resulting from a divorce with a narcissistic woman of only 9 months. After losing my first wife from scar accident I fell in love with this woman, and felt it was time to move forward; for myself and two young girls. Needless to say she was every bit of what you describe above. Sadly, it has been a year and I'm still trying to get over all the things she did. Although I know things will be better without her it remains that I will always love her, and never fully understand the reasoning behind her actions.

  2. All I did was work and go to school for 20 years. I rarely dated. My Dad became ill and I helped take care of him on the weekends. I had few friends and rarely went out. About a year after my Father's death, I was approached by a man who I used to date briefly during and after High School. He seemed very nice and sweet back then but we were never serious. We talked on the phone for several months and finally I agreed to meet with him for dinner. When I met him, he seemed disappointed that I didn't look the same as I did 40 years before. He acted very strange. He was walking in front of me as we were going to the restaurant. It became obvious to me that he was embarrassed to be seen with me. His conversation was all about himself laced with antidotes about his sexual conquests. He told me at one point that he was so disappointed in me. He seemed angry with me and women in general. He talked behind our mutual friend's backs especially women he had dated in the past. I tried to keep the conversation on track and ignore his verbal meanderings which were all about how great he thought he was. He seemed to have no interest in me anymore since I wasn't the sex object he was expecting. Towards he end of the evening he indicated that he wanted to make out. Nothing happened but I found that strange, given his behavior all night.I kept thinking that he was never like this when he was younger but then I remembered bits and pieces of things our old friends had said about him. Some of our old friends had mentioned that he could be cruel but I had not ever experienced him being that way prior to this awful night. He had been able to cover up his narcissism better when he was younger. He had become a bitter person.I knew him on and off for 40 years and I didn't realize he was a narcissist until this last meeting. I felt terrible about this incident for about a year. Something about it hurt me at such a deep level. I had known him since I was 16 and now at age 56 he was rejecting me as a person !!! It took me a year to get over how hurt I was.

  3. I've been married to my husband for 19yrs we've known eachother for 27yrs. its been a long road up hill. i say that because it feels like i am walking up hill hoping when i get to the top i could see the beauty of the top of the hill. green grass, with a beautiful waterfall, fresh trees and the sun shining oh so bright.. not happen yet nor will it happen, her i am 43 yrs. finally in peace. i am going thru a divorce we are seperated and there has not been any progress on his behalf.A normal man who is loosing his wife and kids would do just about anything to get things straight get them back. not my husband he seems to be content with the separation an not taking responsibility of us. i carry my load with my kids. its a long story. my point is i am glad i came across your website and everything on here is my husband. he is exactly like this. i read your everything i can from your website to comfort me that i am not the crazy one or making this up but its all a true existing illness. i did everything i could to save my marriage but i was doing it all alone. he is not doing anything he has sigle handley destroyed our trust, marriage, love, saftly and everything a "normal" family shares with a husband and a father.
    we have tryed to respect him and love him we just cant. he craps all over it. we are done. we are happy that he doesnt live with us. we are happy this way. i miss my husband minus the negative attitude. i think i knew his true side at once that is what i miss. i am very scared from this relationship. i am not intrested in other men infact i dont trust them and i am a little scared of them. i at times catch myself being rude to them. then i slow will take time to heal and i hope by then i could find a good man. i pray everyday for a good man for the future. for now i pray for peace, love ,respect and life for my kids and i. God will deal with him. love your website it has made a world of a difference to me. thank you so much

  4. Hi Everyone who has made a comment here and sorry to hear the hurt you are feeling right now. Understanding and time will bring healing and hopefully rebuild your trust in human beings again. Being able to let go and focus on your own well being and that of your family will help you become stronger and will help heal your codependence too. Standing up for ourselves isn't easy but it does bring increased self respect in the long run.

    Hang in there!

    Kim Cooper

  5. Another pat on the back to the Narcissism Daily Mirror ,you guys keep dishing up the truth for all to see .
    Yes i am a narcissist , and this was one of my toxic personality traits .This is what i now realise as the double personality factor of the perpetrator. I believe it to be bought on by FALSE PRIDE combined with the perfectionist that a narcissist conveys . Let the truth be known a person suffering NPD , is very rarely correct , they rely on thier false pride to make decisions , thats why they generally have to rule , yell and scream and resort to outright nasty behaviour behind closed doors to intimidate thier partners .This allows them to convey thier point as correct.
    If youre a narcissist and act this way behind closed doors , i hope your partner is strong enough to use the " magic scissor technique" (Back From The Looking Glass) and free themselves from this attachment .
    Let your partner know love is the only way and love will last forever , long after thier narcissism is gone.


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