Poem for the codependent woman
A woman sits looking out of her window
at the warm sun gently caressing the flowers outside.
It is a perfect day but none of this touches her heart
and only mocks the terrible pain she feels inside.
The man of her dreams and father of her children
has abandoned her only two days before.
The work of growing to become a
responsible man was too much for him
and frustrated and angry he blamed her
and left with an old girlfriend who could ease his self doubt for a little while.
The woman now feels a deep longing for a boy she knew at school,
a boy she treated badly
back when she was still haughty about her beauty
and the power she sensed she had over men ...
She begins to weep when she realizes
she would give anything to have this same boy smile at her now.
Her children are worried and sad
and do all they can to cheer up their mother
but nothing works for long
and when they start nagging her she scolds them too harshly and goes into her room crying.
She longs for a hero or savior and thinks of all the men she has known
who she might call on now to help mend her broken heart.
Then remembering her girls she thinks,
"But no one will want me now, men do not even love their own children,
how will they love mine to another man."
This thought makes her cry all the harder and wish,
as she has a million times in the last two days
that he would just say he was sorry and come home.
Her dreams were all built on the love that she would receive when she married
and not the hard work and strength of character that would be required of her.
And no medication or drugs,
no old flames or new fantasies
can do anything to help her now.
She can try and demand that her children fill the gap he has left in her heart
but if she tries she will only curse their lives also.
There are some things we must face alone and the first of these is loss.
Remembering this truth she braces herself and looks in the mirror
at her face all swollen from crying
she closes her eyes and accepts that the dreams she once had were all childish fantasy
and that he is not coming back ...
It hurts like a knife through her heart and the pain reaches a crescendo that she finally
But in that very same moment when her soul is torn in two
the silver lining shines through and a new brighter future peaks through this same tear.
The girls need a bath
and the house needs putting in order
and it is a lovely afternoon for them all to take a walk in the park.
As she gathers herself and walks out to greet her children
she feels a strength in herself that she has never felt before.
Her girls are so sad but also so relieved to see her back on her feet
that they even forget the TV show they were only a moment ago mesmerized by.
The woman remembers a time when the three of them were together,
without him, but all happy and having fun.
She decides right then and there that this is how
she wants to be feeling again soon.
And so it is and the storm which might have ripped all their lives to pieces, passes.
She has passed this test and found her own power
and though she realizes now that he may in fact return
the woman that was once dependent on him for her happiness is gone forever.
Because there are some things we must face alone ...