A Resounding Victory Against Narcissism!
If you followed my last post with this title you may be excited to learn that our local city council voted last night to retain all 14 of the beautiful giant trees in our local Civic Park that were threatened.
This is wonderful news for those of us who have been committed to protecting them.
This last few months has been a very harrowing time for me as it often seemed we would lose this battle and as I explained previously, these trees hold a very sacred place in my heart. For many years they have been the place I would go (even if only in my mind) when I needed to self soothe and calm down. The fact they came so close to being destroyed - fully in bloom and a home to so many beautiful creatures - threatened me personally on more levels than I could express. Walking under those enormous trees is for me God's own church and the fact that other people wished to show their power by cutting them down caused me anxiety and a sense of evil taking control of our city in ways I have never experienced before.
In the past where I would have been debilitated by that anxiety, or over reacted - this time I helped with the fight.
The victory has also been a very healthy one and not superficial ...
In the process of this battle the general manager of our city council resigned. She was the highly paid - behind the scenes UNELECTED official who had insisted there was no choice except that the trees must go. Like an episode of "Yes Prime Minister" she was an expert at massaging the egos of the councillors-with-a-vote to make sure she got her way.
So here's were we stand now ...
- Our city has been 'woken up' and had its community political spirit renewed.
- Our Mayor has had a change of heart and even made a stand saying that council should not be fighting the people but defending their interests.
- The unelected power in the system has been shown it is not invincible.
- Even though the activist's court appeal was overturned it ended up being council itself who has voted to preserve ALL of the trees.
- A better working relationship now seems to be forming between the activist group (that works to protect our parks and playgrounds) and council.
I mention this idea of a healthy victory because all to often I find people in dysfunctional families seeking unhealthy victories.
Once a battle of wills has gone on for too long the goal of each family member can too easily become focused simply on the importance of getting one's way.
Narcissists will lie and cheat while codependents will use emotional ploys - with the sole purpose being that these acts will hopefully get each person what they are desiring for a little while.
Not only does this rarely work but it then sets an unhealthy precedent for their children who will begin using all the same unhealthy and ineffective methods of coercion.
The only real means of healthy decision making and team work is direct negotiation.
If your partner will not play fair however you will also need to know how to cut through their games and keep it honest.
That is certainly not easy but is where our ebooks can really help.
Learning new habits and unlearning old ones takes time certainly - but where will you be in a year's time if you don't start now?
It took my 3rd major relationship being on the rocks till I woke up and saw that I really had to do some hard work growing up.
That decision was undoubtedly the best in my life and so I hope you will do the same.
There are many people who will argue that their relationship problems are completely out of their hands and there is nothing they can do to improve things (and even blame me for giving people hope) but that was exactly the same thing nearly everyone said about saving the trees.
I said from the beginning that we could win and we did!
So who do you want to believe? If the people saying, "There is no hope", win your vote ... what happens to your life then?