Narcissism in the Daily News ... Articles and Discussion with Kim and Steve Cooper of Narcissism Cured.
The #1 Biggest Relationship Killer
It's only one word and it's NOT narcissism or codependence.
Today I will write to you about taking things to a higher level.
I hope you are in for a quick and exciting ride because we will quickly move it on UP!
When we all agree and are on the same page, things tend to go smoothly right? It is when there are disagreements that things begin to sink down into the mire of frustration, disappointment and anger.
Because of this is it is easy to believe that we must solve our disagreements if we wish to move to a happier place in life. Unfortunately however, this can simply leave us locking horns again and again on the same issues.
Further, disagreement isn't always a bad thing and is actually at the heart of creativity because if there is never a conflict you will never need creativity to solve it!
So if disagreement is necessary, how do we move away from these dark emotions when we feel at odds with ourselves or with others?
To begin let's start with ourselves ...
Have you ever stopped to consider how many conflicting view points you have within you? Some may be very hard to resolve ...
Say me for instance - One side of me loves publishing books online and would probably even love my own office full of staff and to live the life of a real career woman. I like all that and I love the team work and real life challenges.
Another side of me would rather be an old fashioned mum who ground my own flour and baked home made apple pies for the kids and lived on a big property with apple trees and an old tire swing and took the kids sailing to fun places for picnics!
If I never take the time to resolve this conflict in myself I will end up going one way and then the other, sabotaging my efforts in each direction and never really being satisfied with either. This sounds like some relationships doesn't it? It could be my husband who wanted me to be the old fashioned mother or even the career girl and if I had different ideas of how I wanted to live my life we would face a similar conflict.
So what am I going to do? There is no way I could ever decide between these two different ideas of how I would like to live my life let alone solve this conflict if it was with my husband! It simply looks unresolvable doesn't it? No matter what I choose; one side of myself (or one party in the relationship) will be disappointed with the outcome.
The answer I want you to consider today is to take the whole issue up a level or two!
What I mean by this is I should keep asking myself (or my husband) why we each want these things until we finally find a common answer.
Why do I want a successful career? Answer: To provide a solid financial base for my family.
Why do I want to be at home cooking and and looking after my kids? Answer: To provide a solid base for my family!
So up a level or two these two sides of me are NOT at odds and both want nearly exactly the same thing! Knowing this and focusing on this higher level I can then see that the answer of how to live my life is simple ...
I work on my career from home, where I can still be here for my family and every now and then we take holidays in the country (and I hope to soon go sailing), and yes I bake something from scratch now and then too! Seen from the higher objective that each side of me shares, this is not a compromise but the best possible combined set of choices for the outcome I desire.
I might never have my own external office and staff - and I may never have a farm to run, but those things would only distract from my real goal anyway!
Even with political parties who are at war, both sides want peace and prosperity for their country's citizens and for the planet - each just has very different ideas of what steps must happen for this to be achieved.
Arguing about the steps needed can become a creative process if the higher level outcome both sides have in common can be kept in the foreground.
Healing these divisions is all about self love and self acceptance. Because until we can love and accept all of our own drives and motivations and learn to see the higher good in all that we want, we will not be able to love anyone else very well either.
If you take the most base or selfish desires that you experience and move them up a level or two (by asking yourself why you want this), you will usually find that you only want these things because you are feeling bad about yourself and at a higher level what you really want is peace and self acceptance.
And if we are not feeling OK about ourselves and our own desires it becomes very hard to love, accept and understand others.
I grew up as a kid that was picked on a lot and I ended up with terrible self esteem. For many years I looked back on my childhood and could not help but feel a lot of self pity.
Now when I look back on my childhood - from a new found place of self love - it all looks different. The thing I regret now is that from my position of not loving myself, I missed so many opportunities to love the people around me. It would have been wonderful to be able to reach out and understand and be confident enough to smile and show them I liked them - I couldn't do that back then because I didn't like myself and so I was trapped in misery, wanting love from the people around me and not seeing they needed my love too!
OK so I have to apologise that I haven't been available lately to answer questions and that is because Steve and I have a new product to launch this week which is all about self love and how to achieve it. It is a new MP3 from Steve and I called "Lovable Me" and it will be available in a few days from now (but before the weekend!).
To get our launch celebrations started, please check out what "the #1 Relationship Killer" is in a short free movie you can view here:
The answer is one word and is a few levels down from Narcissism and Codependence and I believe is the problem these two conditions have in common.
I wonder if you can guess what the answer is?
I will be posting 3 free movies and a free PDF on this new site in the next 3 days so please go and have a look now ...
I hope you will come along for the ride with our launch and 'move on up' past any discord in your life to a new place of self love and peace with yourself and the people around you.
See you at the new site!
PS. If you want to recieve the Biggest relationship killer PDF for free just use the coupon code freegift in the checkout when purchasing any of our ebooks or audio products and you will recieve an email with the link to that free download.