The #1 Biggest Relationship Killer

It's only one word and it's NOT narcissism or codependence. 

Today I will write to you about taking things to a higher level. 

I hope you are in for a quick and exciting ride because we will quickly move it on UP!

When we all agree and are on the same page, things tend to go smoothly right? It is when there are disagreements that things begin to sink down into the mire of frustration, disappointment and anger.

Because of this is it is easy to believe that we must solve our disagreements if we wish to move to a happier place in life. Unfortunately however, this can simply leave us locking horns again and again on the same issues. 

Further, disagreement isn't always a bad thing and is actually at the heart of creativity because if there is never a conflict you will never need creativity to solve it!

So if disagreement is necessary, how do we move away from these dark emotions when we feel at odds with ourselves or with others? 

To begin let's start with ourselves ...

Have you ever stopped to consider how many conflicting view points you have within you? Some may be very hard to resolve ...

Say me for instance - One side of me loves publishing books online and would probably even love my own office full of staff and to live the life of a real career woman. I like all that and I love the team work and real life challenges. 

However ...

Another side of me would rather be an old fashioned mum who ground my own flour and baked home made apple pies for the kids and lived on a big property with apple trees and an old tire swing and took the kids sailing to fun places for picnics!

If I never take the time to resolve this conflict in myself I will end up going one way and then the other, sabotaging my efforts in each direction and never really being satisfied with either. This sounds like some relationships doesn't it? It could be my husband who wanted me to be the old fashioned mother or even the career girl and if I had different ideas of how I wanted to live my life we would face a similar conflict. 

So what am I going to do? There is no way I could ever decide between these two different ideas of how I would like to live my life let alone solve this conflict if it was with my husband! It simply looks unresolvable doesn't it? No matter what I choose; one side of myself (or one party in the relationship) will be disappointed with the outcome. 

The answer I want you to consider today is to take the whole issue up a level or two!

What I mean by this is I should keep asking myself (or my husband) why we each want these things until we finally find a common answer. 

For example;

Why do I want a successful career? Answer: To provide a solid financial base for my family. 

Why do I want to be at home cooking and and looking after my kids? Answer: To provide a solid base for my family!

So up a level or two these two sides of me are NOT at odds and both want nearly exactly the same thing! Knowing this and focusing on this higher level I can then see that the answer of how to live my life is simple ...

I work on my career from home, where I can still be here for my family and every now and then we take holidays in the country (and I hope to soon go sailing), and yes I bake something from scratch now and then too! Seen from the higher objective that each side of me shares, this is not a compromise but the best possible combined set of choices for the outcome I desire. 

I might never have my own external office and staff - and I may never have a farm to run, but those things would only distract from my real goal anyway!

Even with political parties who are at war, both sides want peace and prosperity for their country's citizens and for the planet - each just has very different ideas of what steps must happen for this to be achieved. 

Arguing about the steps needed can become a creative process if the higher level outcome both sides have in common can be kept in the foreground.

Healing these divisions is all about self love and self acceptance. Because until we can love and accept all of our own drives and motivations and learn to see the higher good in all that we want, we will not be able to love anyone else very well either.

If you take the most base or selfish desires that you experience and move them up a level or two (by asking yourself why you want this), you will usually find that you only want these things because you are feeling bad about yourself and at a higher level what you really want is peace and self acceptance.

And if we are not feeling OK about ourselves and our own desires it becomes very hard to love, accept and understand others. 

I grew up as a kid that was picked on a lot and I ended up with terrible self esteem. For many years I looked back on my childhood and could not help but feel a lot of self pity. 

Now when I look back on my childhood - from a new found place of self love - it all looks different. The thing I regret now is that from my position of not loving myself, I missed so many opportunities to love the people around me. It would have been wonderful to be able to reach out and understand and be confident enough to smile and show them I liked them - I couldn't do that back then because  I didn't like myself and so I was trapped in misery, wanting love from the people around me and not seeing they needed my love too!

OK so I have to apologise that I haven't been available lately to answer questions and that is because Steve and I have a new product to launch this week which is all about self love and how to achieve it. It is a new MP3 from Steve and I called "Lovable Me" and it will be available in a few days from now (but before the weekend!). 

To get our launch celebrations started, please check out what "the #1 Relationship Killer" is in a short free movie you can view here:

The answer is one word and is a few levels down from Narcissism and Codependence and I believe is the problem these two conditions have in common. 

I wonder if you can guess what the answer is?

I will be posting 3 free movies and a free PDF on this new site in the next 3 days so please go and have a look now ...

I hope you will come along for the ride with our launch and 'move on up' past any discord in your life to a new place of self love and peace with yourself and the people around you.

See you at the new site! 

Kim Cooper

 PS. If you want to recieve the Biggest relationship killer PDF for free just use the coupon code  freegift in the checkout when purchasing any of our ebooks or audio products and you will recieve an email with the link to that free download.


  1. where is the movie where is the answer?

  2. They are at the site here ...

  3. I believe that is true. Many couples are balancing children, aging parents, jobs,mortgages, bills, etc. There is little margin for error. All it takes is one thing to go wrong and the house of cards starts to fall.

  4. Did you folks see the CNN article about narcissism and Facebook? Amusing if nothing else.

  5. I was so happy to read your latest post. I think that it's good to weigh all options before making a decision, especially the really important ones like moving in with someone or even marriage. The goal is to make a decision that you feel good about after giving it the proper amount of time and consideration. I find that too many people suffer from low self esteem, and the anxiety that accompanies that, because they just don't trust themselves. It's better to try and to fail than to remain stagnant and unfulfilled. Just remember this, Babe Ruth held the record for the most home runs. He also held the record for the most strike-outs. We all just need to get in the game without worrying so much about the outcome. Friends and family are well-meaning, but they often offer bad advice. Live life and trust your instincts!

    Thank you Kim and Steve for your prudent advice and support.

  6. People cause their own anxiety by acting like idiots. It is as simple as that. It's called being rational and reasonable and some people are so irresponsible they create their own problems and anxiety. A partner however should not have to suffer because of their immaturity (narcissism).

  7. can't wait to see the word! My husband and I have been battling our marriage since day one..we never even had a honeymoon. He is a narcissist to say the least! And I am co-dependent and self-loathing because of it..but God has helped me through this and I get up everyday knowing that I am loved by God..and protected by him.

  8. Hi to everyone and to anon that can't wait to hear the word please go here now ...

    I must admit with this launch going on I am having to keep on top of my own nerves!!!

    The new will only be up for a short time while this launch is on so please go find out what the word is now;

    Kim Cooper

    PS. I just LOVED the Babe Ruth story above! One of my favorite songs is Walter Johnston by Jonathan Richmond - if you haven't heard it find it!

  9. I can't the movies either. Sure would like to see them. I can't figure out why. I have been through the whole page.
    Great work Kim & Steve, keep it up !
    God Bless you both !

  10. Did you visit this site Margaret?

    The movies are there ...


  11. Dear Kim,

    I'm glad that you liked the Babe Ruth story. I heard it for the first time almost 20 years ago and it still inspires me and keeps me going every day. Positive affirmations are extremely important to nourish your mind and spirit. Lovable Me is a fantastic product, and I'm certain it will be beneficial to anyone that decides to make it part of their daily program.

    Thank you again for sharing your personal stories and insight!

  12. I can only seem to get to the intro of your movies. Will keep trying but wont get anxious about it. Too much else going on. With partner coming home but still lying still seeing other woman me trying to trust until the lies land on my lap. Wish he would stop and see his cycle and heal and help himself. Cant see it happening. Must find a way to let go. so sad

  13. Good Job to the two of you (Kim and Steve) on taking a stand on something that obviously means so much to you. I am an extremely determined person myself, so don't take my advice until you have thought out the whole thing...

    But what I might do is get at least 200 people and have them all sit in the trees, with a promise not to move until the city agrees not to cut down your beautiful trees.

    You will need a huge amount of volunteers to make the impact as large as possible. You will need a lot of supporters too, who can bring food and water to you, so that you never have to leave the park, except to use washroom facilities.

    It is just one idea, but with enough news coverage on the 200 people sitting in trees, you may be able to make the city back down, simply from too much bad media. I don't think it would be all that hard to find some people who would enjoy spending a week reading and at one with nature.

    No matter what paths you take over the next week, good luck to the both of you!

  14. Hi,
    I can;t get the movies to play at all,is it too late? Have you removed them from the site since this was posted in Sept 201 and it is now Jan 2011 ?

  15. I found some interesting statistics about the relationship between pornography and divorce.

    - The Internet was a significant factor in 2 out of 3 divorces (Am. Academy of
    Matrimonial Lawyers in 2003 –
    - Pornography use was correlated with an increase in infidelity of more than 300%. (Other factors may have also contributed to the infidelity, but it was a factor.)
    - 56% of divorces involved one party having an obsessive interest in porn.
    I just learned about this new software –
    For couples that are trying to work together, do you think this could be helpful?

  16. hi i cant get it to play either only 18 seconds of it tried many times no good :(

  17. Sorry I only saw you post now Ian - I don't know how I missed it. I think that security software for porn is a wonderful thing and really helped save my marriage.

    To anon who can't get the movie to play. If you are at the site

    You will need to enter a valid email address to view the movie.

    I hope that this helps!

    Kim Cooper


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